Brad Chase: I outrank you.
Alan Shore: And I’m such a slut for authority.

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Alan Shore: Hate to extort and run.

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Denny Crane: [repeated throughout series] Denny Crane…

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Gracie Jane: Gracie Jane.
Denny Crane: Denny Crane.
Gracie Jane: Gracie Jane.
Denny Crane: Are you making fun of me?

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Denny Crane: I have an erection. That’s a good sign. I’m ready to go to trial. Lock and load.

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Denny Crane: Because we’re friends, I’m gonna tell you something nobody else knows. I’m homophobic.
Alan Shore: [deadpan] I’m stunned.

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Denny Crane: [Denny is guarding Alan from his night terrors so he is sleeping in the bed with him]
[in his sleep]
Denny Crane: Denny Crane. Denny Crane. Denny Crane.
Alan Shore: [Alan gets out of bed and stumbles. He has a rope tied around his leg; the other end is tied to Denny. Alan tries to get up and stumbles again. He tugs on the rope] Hey! Hey!
Denny Crane: What the hell do you…
Alan Shore: Get up, Denny. We’re going to the bathroom.
Denny Crane: Untie the knot.
[turns over]
Alan Shore: It takes too long. Let’s just… get up!
Denny Crane: I’m not getting up!
Alan Shore: It’ll take two seconds.
[he tugs the rope]
Denny Crane: It’s the middle of the night!
Alan Shore: Just get up!
Denny Crane: I’m not gonna get up.
Alan Shore: Dammit! Get up!
[he tugs violently at the rope. Denny is pulled from the bed to the floor]
Alan Shore: Happy?
[stands up]
Denny Crane: [Denny pulls the rope and Alan falls on top of him. They lie there, face to face] This isn’t working for me.